Priceless
So the last remnant of my truck's tailpipe finally rusts off the other day (I'd been picking up pieces and throwing them in the truckbed for weeks) as I'm on my way to work. You can't miss the dragging and scraping when those things hit the ground. And just as that happens and I'm turning the corner, I see flashing lights behind me, and I think, can they really pull you over for a hanging tailpipe? (Dale says they can.) This was about something else, though.
It was a Hamilton County cop (that's what Dale is too,) not a Cincinnati cop, and I'm a white guy, so I didn't figure he'd shoot me, but I was at that point doomed to be late for work for the first time in five years. This bummed me out. Then things got worse.
He asks to see my driver's license, which I had at the ready, and proof of insurance, which I never did find. (It was in my glove box the whole time -- Ruthie found it yesterday.) Says to me, "You're driving with expired tags." And I said, "Really?" And he said, "Uh huh," and with my own driver's license pointed out to me my own birthday, which was two months ago. At which point it occurred to me that he was right; I had indeed forgotten to get new tags. I guess the excitement of getting a new license this year had distracted me from the tag thing. Nerts.
So he writes me a ticket and "suggests" that I get it taken care of that very day in order to avoid another ticket and possible towing. Which is great, except that I was on my way to work and wasn't sure when I'd find the time. (The work people don't care about stuff like this. It's retail, and there aren't any reports that deal with expired tags.) I decided that the best I could do was to take off for the BMV on my lunch break and hope to get it done in an hour.
Lunchtime comes and I drive responsibly to the BMV where they tell me that before I can get new tags I have to get an emissions test (here in Ohio, where the river bends, that's called an "E-Check"). This is problematic for a couple reasons. The first is the time factor -- E-checks take forever. The second reason is even trickier. First thing they do when your turn at the E-Check place finally comes (they take forever because the lines are long and slow) is hook a hose up to your tailpipe, and as you may remember, my tailpipe was, at that point, in rusty pieces in the bed of my truck. Nerts again.
At this point, the story gets much less amusing -- I dropped the truck off at the shop and found a ride back to work (thanks, Ma). By the time this is over, I'll have paid for the ticket, the new tags, the E-Check and the new exhaust system. What a pain. Pulled over for the first time in like fifteen years and it's not for being a bad driver (which I am) but for not having the correctly color coded stickers on my license plate. Somehow I don't feel like I got my money's worth.
All $500 of it.
It was a Hamilton County cop (that's what Dale is too,) not a Cincinnati cop, and I'm a white guy, so I didn't figure he'd shoot me, but I was at that point doomed to be late for work for the first time in five years. This bummed me out. Then things got worse.
He asks to see my driver's license, which I had at the ready, and proof of insurance, which I never did find. (It was in my glove box the whole time -- Ruthie found it yesterday.) Says to me, "You're driving with expired tags." And I said, "Really?" And he said, "Uh huh," and with my own driver's license pointed out to me my own birthday, which was two months ago. At which point it occurred to me that he was right; I had indeed forgotten to get new tags. I guess the excitement of getting a new license this year had distracted me from the tag thing. Nerts.
So he writes me a ticket and "suggests" that I get it taken care of that very day in order to avoid another ticket and possible towing. Which is great, except that I was on my way to work and wasn't sure when I'd find the time. (The work people don't care about stuff like this. It's retail, and there aren't any reports that deal with expired tags.) I decided that the best I could do was to take off for the BMV on my lunch break and hope to get it done in an hour.
Lunchtime comes and I drive responsibly to the BMV where they tell me that before I can get new tags I have to get an emissions test (here in Ohio, where the river bends, that's called an "E-Check"). This is problematic for a couple reasons. The first is the time factor -- E-checks take forever. The second reason is even trickier. First thing they do when your turn at the E-Check place finally comes (they take forever because the lines are long and slow) is hook a hose up to your tailpipe, and as you may remember, my tailpipe was, at that point, in rusty pieces in the bed of my truck. Nerts again.
At this point, the story gets much less amusing -- I dropped the truck off at the shop and found a ride back to work (thanks, Ma). By the time this is over, I'll have paid for the ticket, the new tags, the E-Check and the new exhaust system. What a pain. Pulled over for the first time in like fifteen years and it's not for being a bad driver (which I am) but for not having the correctly color coded stickers on my license plate. Somehow I don't feel like I got my money's worth.
All $500 of it.
6 Comments:
Wow, Ben, I'm sorry. What rot!
E-check lines take forever? I guess I just ran into a bit of luck when I went for mine- there was hardly anyone there- sometimes God blesses us when we don't even know it. So maybe that's what's going on with your situation? I hate to think you went through all that for no good reason!
Or maybe you should of got your tags a couple months ago.
-Tyler
happy belated birthday, huh?
--the inferno
i'd say it was definitely God's will that you go through that. no. wait. i think it's God's will that you move to pittsburgh and just budget $500 every year for "safety" and emission inspections that are impossible to pass. :)
damn.
sorry to hear about your tags experience. i remember the truck purchasing experience - it was a cold (very cold) day in northern kentucky. we had come back from the "hospital/nursing home/cracker barrel" experience and I followed you to that church you were once employed by. we took the back way - we weren't too bright. i remember following the blazer - for some strange reason i opted not to ride with you - that was an atypical experience (we usually saw no reason for two people to have to drive 75 miles to get everywhere). but i followed behind you and watched you take that curve and roll her over - twice. ironically, i never wore my seatbelt (still have that bad habit - God gave me kids to remind me to "click-it or ticket" - which the ky police nailed me on once. and ohio police did once as well. damn cops. but anyway, i would have probably been dead - or hurt badly - or just got coffee spilled on me - not sure which. hence the pick-up truck. i remember wondering what the hell you had been smoking when i saw its color the first time - never took you for a "rust" guy.
funny thing about tailpipes and mufflers gone bad - when you know they're about to go (and maybe i'm alone on this one) buy you try to "shake" them off - you know, rocking your steering wheel back and forth - like sitting there taking a dump and trying to shake off a dog-rocket that just won't let go. amazing what a muffler does to silence an automobile. i've tried to have my boys fitted with one but my wife objects - looks tacky with a big steel thingy pipe hanging out of your child's mouth. i had the best of intentions.
out - harsh
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